I am faced, going into this new year, with a fear, a slight fear of the unknown. I have always been an ambitious girl, and I know right now in my life I have to taper that ambition with a healthy dose of practicality, as I anticipate the arrival of a new baby in July. Motherhood. Writerhood. How does it – better yet, how can it – work?
I have been here before, in this season of waiting, that grey area where you simply cannot see what’s around the next bend. I was terrified then. Terrified beyond any sort of being proactive, I think. All I could do was sit and cry and wonder what the future held for me. All I could envision then was Life with a Baby. Nothing more, nothing beyond that, nothing but that.
It’s different now. I have motherhood down – well, as down as I can have it (who ever has it all figured out?) with one angel of a little boy. I have made full time motherhood and writing work, and can claim success at both, though certainly not perfection. Since Will was born I have earned my Master’s degree, written my first book, published articles in national and regional publications, become an “expert” of sorts as a writer for a parenting magazine, maintained two blogs. This coming year I envision more goals and successes, though not without that unrelenting edge of fear. What if it doesn’t work?
I have to push past those fears and make my life continue, with all the beauty and messiness of pregnancy, the unpredictability of a new little one. My life will continue, not in spite of this coming addition to the family but because of it, in large part guided by it.
No, your life doesn’t stop when you have kids. (I really believed that at one point.) It is enhanced, and it becomes more beautiful, if you let it.
So, I say, cheers to the New Year and its promised glories and challenges. I will ring it in with a glass of white sparkling pear juice, as a Facebook friend recently suggested. And I will face those glories and challenges head-on, spit in the face of that fear, and emerge, I hope, shining.
*What goals or challenges are on your plate for the New Year?