I am looking straight down the barrel of motherhood, knowing the job, the title of “Mom” will be with me for the rest of my life.
It’s been on my mind a lot lately; little one No. 2 will be showing up any day now.
“Mom” is a happy title – a joy I treasure somewhere deep in my heart. Yet in throes of anxiety that joy is often overshadowed by fear.
Fear of not being the best.
Fear of losing my identity as a writer.
Fear of never finding my real niche.
Why is “Mom” not enough?
Because I also have to write. I would not be me – and I would not be the person God called me to be – without writing.
Recently, the pastor at my church asked about the upcoming birth of our second child, which led to a conversation about being a Mom – and a writer.
I tried to pass off his questions about motherhood with canned answers.
“I love being a Mom. But, you know, it has its tough moments.”
“I do stay at home … but not all the time.” (Oh, how I hate that term, stay-at-home mom, because it encompasses such a tiny piece of the whole pie.)
But my pastor kept pressing.
So I admitted this truth, a truth I wrestle with daily: As I learn and grow in the role of Mom, I find it increasingly difficult to define my identity. I am Mom, but I am more than that. I am a writer, but I am more than that. Where do the personal and the professional roles meet?
He didn’t really get it.
But he did ask a striking question.
“Would you feel completely fulfilled if you were just a mother and not a writer?” he said.
“No.” (That was easy.)
“Would you feel completely fulfilled if you were just a writer and not a mother?” he asked.
“No.” (That was equally as easy.)
So here I am, wrestling with two huge identities that co-exist. I can’t be just one thing. It’s the “how,” the search for that sweet spot where these callings can best work together that’s intriguing.
And the deeper I get into each role, the more discovery I find.
*Where do your personal and professional life meet? How do you balance one with the other? Is “balance” a concept you believe in?